It’s been about, hang on let me grab my calendar and count, a year and 8 months of being single. The first half of that I spent holding on to something unrealistic. I waited for the one thing that let me down to come back. The last half of it was casual. Testing the waters, realizing my flaws and pickiness.
Today, I woke up and on my way to work. This feeling flooded me, a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. It was overwhelming, it brought up a lump in my throat. I missed this feeling. The feeling of welcoming love back into your life.
That bonding love, the love that’s unbreakable.
I spent 19 months with that human sense boxed up into the back of my brain. The trust of that emotion was once betrayed, it was hard to give it to someone else and let them mend it.
I’m a strong individual, blah, blah, blah. I don’t ever leave the expectation to let someone else pick up the pieces. I want to enter into something with a clean slate.
It’s not that I don’t forgive the men in my past, it just takes a while to re-adjust. In the past, I’ve always lost who I was to accommodate him and his feelings, but he never did it for me.
I’m ready to get back out there and try again. I finally got that last bit of chalk wiped off my slate and I can start drawing again.
I’m usually lighthearted about these kinds of things, so I’ll end it with this.
…A note to myself.
…Hey future you.
…This is important.
…STOP DATING ASSHOLES!