How I Escaped My Self-Destructive Behavior and What I’m Working On

I used to think that I wasn’t deserving enough for certain things in life, I used to think that you had to be privileged to have nice things.

It’s not true, anyone can get anything they strive for.

But there is a catch, YOU have to handle your shit. YOU have to strive and work for it.

I still work every day on myself, my mindset, my reactions, and behaviors. It’s almost too easy to shut off emotion. It’s a defense mechanism. The more negative I surround myself with the more of a self-defeating mindset I get.

My thoughts become distracted and I can’t focus cause I’m worried I hurt someone, I blame myself for the actions of other people. I become a sponge and carry burdens that are not my own. That’s not healthy.

I’m an optimist, I’ve worked to become an optimist. I’m actively taking action to become a better person daily. It’s not realistic to have perfect days. But it’s worth a shot to strive for it daily.

I taught myself, I’m capable of doing anything I set my mind to. I don’t rely on others to reassure myself. I take the risk and figure it out. If I fail at least I tried.

I throw pity parties, and I throw them often. But I do it in private. I go for a walk or distract my thoughts. Because here’s the thing, no one gives a flying fuck about what I’m going through. People have their own issues they’re trying to work out and the last thing they want to take on is someone else’s problem. It’s okay to be sad.

One thing I strive MOST for is not saying ugly things about people. I’m human and it slips and I’ll call someone a bitch. It happens. But I’ll also ‘call out’ the actions of someone else. I’m strong enough to take constructive criticism, cause I know it will make me a better person. I don’t really listen to people who are deconstructive.

I used to isolate socially, I used to be scared of what people thought of me and what they would say. But I know deep down I’m a good person, and whatever other people have to say is their opinion.

I’ve recently worked on letting people help me. I’m always like “I CAN DO IT MYSELF” or I do it for people. But I’ve been able to admit, Yes, I need help. Please help me. It’s been such a relief to reach out a hand and there is one to grab out there.

This really isn’t advice, it’s more of a start of how to not be self-destructive or self-sabotage.

I believe all people have it in them to be good and the best they can be. But it’s up to yourself, you as an individual to have self-love and be successful. Family, friends, and that asshole down the street, or even ‘god’ cannot make you happy.

YOU have to love you first.

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